As I sit here and fear for the future, I come to the questions, How do I conquer fear? and Can I trust you? You being a friend, family, or even God. Like how do you get up the courage to jump off that building if you are afraid of heights? How do you kill that spider crawling along the wall if you are afraid of bugs? Fear has a lot to do with trust. And most people, like me, are afraid to trust because of your past. People backstabbed me, turned on me, and stuff like that to where it got to the point to where I stopped trusting everyone, even my family. But this past summer I had to do two of the most terrifying things for me. I had to face my fear of heights and trusting on the spot!
I went to Tiger, Georgia on June 1st to a camp called Covecrest. It’s a time to disconnect from electronics, be with friends, and pray and just be with God. This was a week long camp and was the first time I had ever been away from home that long without my phone to call my mom to tell her goodnight. I knew it was going to be rough, but I successfully did it. On Thursday, the 4th day I was there, we did high ropes and low ropes, I swear the most emotional day I’ve had ever in my life. In the morning we got up, had breakfast and headed to the high ropes course. As I walked to the field, I saw zip lining ( which I had done before ), some rope courses in the air, and a big rock climb. My youth minister had asked what each of our goals were, I had said just to get on the rock wall. So first I did the zip lining and then slowly went to the rock wall. When I finally got to the rock wall, the musician for the week, Emily Wilson, stood there watching. She asked me if I was going to go on and I hesitantly said yes. She told me I could go first and I told her no she could go first, so we made a deal that if she went first I would go right after her. I agreed thinking I had some time to back out. She went up and down the wall within two minutes and that’s when I wanted to cry. She called me over and she hooked me up, as she was hooking me up she just kept encouraging me, she told me to just climb, don’t look up and don’t look down. I had to climb this tall wall when I am terrified of heights, while trusting people to help me up. I said my goal was then, since I had already gotten on the wall, was half way and that’s it. I don’t remember the people helping me up except my youth minister, Melissa. As I got to the half way point, a little frustrated I said okay I’m done, get me down. Melissa said “Nope you are going all the way!!!” that’s when I started crying and hyperventilating. I climbed to the top and was more than ready to get to the ground. I got to the ground and was greeted my best friend, my new youth minister Ashley, Emily Wilson, and some of the ones who helped me. I was such a nerves wreck my best friend, Valerie, had to walk with me to get a drink because I felt so light headed. That’s one of the times where I had to face my fear of heights and trust.
In the afternoon after lunch, we did the low ropes, which is basically all about trusting, and I was not ready for this. The thing I had the most trouble with and was worried about most was the trust fall. You stood on this three-foot wooden platform while people behind you caught you as you fell backwards. I swore I wasn’t going to do it, but Valerie and our leader Jilina talked me into going on this platform, mot to fall but to just stand on it. I got on this platform, butterflies in my stomach, ready for tears to stream down my face. People kept saying, “come on Hayley, you got this!” I turned around, had the heels of my feet hanging off the edge of the platform, crying, while watching Valerie in front of me encouraging me to fall. I finally wanted to do it because 1) I wanted everyone to stop making me do uncomfortable things and 2) I knew I wanted to do it deep deep down inside. So I said “…falling…I trust in you…” I started to fall but wanted to catch myself and ended up kind of like sitting in Jilina’s arms. But I did it, I fell and it was one of the worst and best things I’ve ever done. Best, because I did something I fear. Worst, because I guarantee I will never be doing it again. Haha.
So fear and trust have a lot to do with each other. And I think people, and I’m talking about me too, fear of trusting God because of people in the past. And because you can’t physically see God. But that’s what faith is all about, right? Having faith that there is something big out there, that there is a God. “I believe in God like I believe in the sun. Not because I see it, but because by it, I see everything else.” -C.S. Lewis Just because you can’t feel, see, hear or talk to Him. I know it’s hard, because I still struggle with it. But what I’ve learned from people around me is that He is there, with me, every step of the way. And He’s with you too. You just have to have faith and “Fall on”. JESUS I TRUST IN YOU