Know before you read the rest of this that I have a WONDERFUL father that I live with. I wouldn’t change one thing about him. I wouldn’t change the way I live or anything. These are just thoughts that I’ve recently had because I’m really getting in touch with my feelings and why I feel them. So daddy, I love you so much and you are the best dad in the world! Know this doesn’t change anything.
Recently I got home one night and as I was laying in bed I turned on my tv and looked to see what was on. On TLC there was a show called Long Lost Family, I got distracted with a text and never turned the channel. I then started watching the show and soon became jealous. As some may know, my very loving dad adopted me though some swear we are biologically related and look exactly alike ( I’m talking to you Nunnie 😉 ) But he adopted me when I was 5 and he’s perfect. I’ve always had this curiosity of who I was. I was never looking for a “better father” cause there is none, but just to know who I was and I guess wanting to know who I was apart of.
My senior year of high school, I found my birth father on facebook and took the courage to message him. A few months of him telling me he “loves” me and “cares” for me. He stopped messaging me all together. Watching this show made me yearn for that attention, though i had it at home. This man is apart of me, and I yearned for a relationship with him. I quickly realized I wasn’t going to get it from him, he obviously doesn’t care and love me. If he did, he would be the first to start a conversation with me, he wouldn’t ignore me.
Recently I went to my mom and just gave her an update on that situation and emotionally expressed how he has hurt me in the short time I’ve known about him. How I wish he cared as much as I do. How I wish it bugged him when I didn’t answer him. How I wish that when he said that he wish he would have fought for me I could actually believe him. How I wish when he said he loves me I could believe him and maybe eventually love him back. But I can’t, and now I know I won’t. All he is and all he will ever be is a sperm donor.
But I have the greatest love story of all. I had someone who CHOSE me. Who WANTED me. Who started to loved a little girl at the tender age of 3 and didn’t even know what he was getting himself into. Who didn’t know how big of a brat she’d be in her teen years. Who didn’t know how sick she’d be throughout her childhood and teen years. But he loved, me, who was a brat to him on my sucky days, who was sick with allergies, asthma, and mental illnesses. Who sat with me in doctors offices getting allergy tests, blowing out candles on the computer, a couple therapy sessions.
He didn’t know what he would be taking on, but he chose to love me anyway. I think adoptive parents don’t get enough credit. Adopting a young child can be fun and all, but they don’t know what that child will be like in a few years. Yet they still choose to love that child the rest of their life. That is bravery and courage and takes a lot of balls.
So thank you, dad, for picking me, for choosing me, for loving me ( lol Grey’s Anatomy reference 😉 ) Thank you for loving me through all of my behavioral changes, my brattiness, my mood swings, my bouts of anger, sadness, and happiness. Thank you for loving me through all of my Jonas Brother’s, Justin Bieber, Grey’s Anatomy, and Country obsessions. Thank you for loving me through all the frustrations through high school. Thank you for loving me when I didn’t necessarily love you. Thank you for loving me when discipling me. Thank you for loving me when I thought and felt unlovable. Thank you for loving and caring for me when I thought others weren’t. Thank you for loving and caring for me when he didn’t. You the real MVP!