In all the mess of the world I think we forget all that The Lord has done for us. During lent I have been trying to take a few hours out of my week for silence. Whether thats reading a spiritual book and just sitting in silence. This has been so fruitful seeing that I have been going through transition and have been overwhelmed and stressed doing so. I even forgot about how much The Lord loves me and how much He is playing a big part in this.
I was really not wanting to go to St. Brendan’s because I didn’t want to go out of my comfort zone. I knew people at St. Monica’s, I was comfortable there, no worries. When I knew deep down that I wasn’t wanted there anymore and that it was time for me to leave. I went back and forth in my head saying I would go and then the next minute I wasn’t going. It would keep me up late in the night, when I was these thoughts they would be like, “They aren’t gonna like me. What am I gonna have to help St. Brendan’s. I’m going there to meet friends and I won’t find anyone cause I’m broken and weird, etc.” It brought down my confidence and stressed me out a lot. A lot of anxiety was in me though I was praying for some kind of sign.
When I officially decided to go, random Core members at St. Monica’s came to me saying they think this is a great decision and I finally realized, maybe this is God telling me to go. Maybe this is a GOD THING. I went the first night, and just observed and though it looked like fun and I felt somewhat welcomed, I don’t think my heart was fully there. Yes, I was physically there but I don’t think I was open to meeting new people, I was out of my comfort zone. I drove away from the first event saying “Lord, I’m not going back I’m sorry but no!” But talking with someone who knows the people at St. Monica’s, they said St. Brendan’s already loves me and is looking forward to me coming back.
I, then, had conflicting thoughts, “I don’t want to go back, but he said they liked me so maybe I should go back. But what if he is just saying that to make me go.” I went round and round with myself. I had 2 weeks to think about it and then decided to go to my first youth group at St. Brendan’s. It was very awkward and I sort of stayed on the side just to see what there youth group was all about, I knew it would be different than St. Monica’s. That night, a young woman, invited me to their women’s group called YWOF ( pronounced as Y-WOF ). I was very shocked and excited at the same time. It had only been my second time really seeing and talking with her and I was already being invited to a non-youth group thing. Like how could she invited ME, who she knows nothing about? But she did, and I was super excited. I even got a text a few hours later asking if I wanted to meet with her before the woman’s group to just chat and get to know each other.
As my soul was filled with excitement, the next day came and I was overwhelmed with anxiety. Why did she wanna meet with me? Was there something deeper? I had seen in movies that when the new girl comes in, someone talks with her about not stepping onto that persons territory. Was she gonna do that with me? My mind raced with overwhelming ridiculous thoughts. Thursday came and I was was so anxious, on the way there I had to talk myself out of anxiety attacks just to walk into the Starbucks. But it was absolutely nothing, all she wanted to do was get to know me. I had worked myself up and was overthinking everything for nothing. In all retrospect, she is one of the most sweetest, most down-to-earth young woman I’ve met. The women’s group was amazing too and I met some of the youth group teens as well.
I’ve now been at St. Brendan’s for a little over a month, and am loving every second. I’ve been to an EPIC and a youth group and 2 YWOFs. I’ve gone to Mass there twice and I swear it’s one of the most gorgeous churches I’ve ever seen. I never knew I could fall in love with a church and youth group like I have. And I’m connected with the teens more and more as I get involved. This past Sunday I went to Mass at St. Brendan’s and it was the teen Mass, I knew I would be seeing some teens from the youth group and I did as soon as I walked in. She immediately told the group of friends that she’d be right back, came over to me and hugged me like I was an old friend. It felt like home.
I see The Lord working in all that, He was discreetly telling me to go to St. Brendan’s, to help these teens grow closer to Him. To help St. Brendan’s in trying times. To help me grow closer to Him and to learn more about myself. And all I can say is, “Jesus, I love you.”